How I Feel As A Working Dad.

 I’ve seen dad bloggers out there who are stay at home fathers and I wish I could somehow join their ranks.

I have nothing against hard, honest work and I am by no means a lazy slouch. Ask my boss if you don’t want to believe me. I like keeping busy and being on the move, so I am very productive with little guidance.

Therein lies the problem. I’m on the move for someone else and don’t feel like work really offers much benefit aside from being able to provide for my family with the money I receive. You may have guessed by now that I’m not a person who finds great satisfaction from my career. Honestly speaking, I’ve not been able to find a job that I eventually ended up calling a career.

Maybe it’s because whenever anyone has asked me what I want to do with my life I haven’t really had an answer for them or even for myself. I know what I want out of life and I am certain a job can’t provide it for me.

Here’s what I’d  actually like to do with my life: travel the world,  play guitar in front if massive crowds of people, chasin winter around the world for a year so I can snowboard until my heart’s content, and spend so much more time with my kids. Not necessarily in that order.

They’re only going to be this age for a little while and I feel I’m missing out on a lot.

 I don’t know if you’ve thought about what a career asks you to give, but from my perspective the price is steep.

All the times I missed with my wife and kids, and not being there for them. Dragging myself out of bed when I’ve been too sick to do anything just so I won’t be hassled by my boss, or the every day grind of having to jump whenever someone above you asks you to do something. Have you ever noticed that this is seldom a two way street? Pay rise come to mind here.

My gripe today is not with people, although some could use with a long hard look in the mirror and assess how they are viewed by those around them. No, my problem lies with the waste of time that work is.

For example, I get paid weekly. But it’s only ever enough so that I need to continue the same process the following week, month, year etc. It really seems that I’m stuck in s sick merry go round. The reward versus effort is miniscule.

Talking to a guy I know recently, he said something that resonated with me, his words were; “We’re working for someone else’s dream”.

The thought of the mundane drudgery that is work has in the past brought on personal depression. After all, doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting different results, is the very meaning of madness.
If you are a person who is happy to work and build a career for yourself, then I’m truly happy for you. You’ve done what I can’t seem to, no matter how hard I try. I just can’t shake the feeling that there’s better than this out there.

At the heart of this is the issue that I want and need to spend more time with my family. This far career wise, I have been promised work life balance but have rarely experienced it.

So what to do about this dilemma? Well I could go and sob in a corner for an hour every day, but that’s hardly going to help me solve this problem.

The best advice I received was from a department head that didn’t hold his words back. He said “Don’t ever play the victim. It is up to you to change your circumstances. Blaming anyone around you for missed opportunities will not give you results”. That’s my exact wake up call.

It is all up to me. In the immortal words of Nacho Live “I have to get new dooties”.

There are tonnes of opportunities out there, that I haven’t discovered yet. The key here is not to give up.

So currently I am working on my own opportunities to dive into and take control for myself. The ultimate goal is to work for myself and take my time back. Maybe I’ll post about what I’m working on another time.

The future is bright and there are plenty of opportunities if you know where to look, but until then, I’m going to get some sleep because I need to wake up at 4am so I can remember what I need to eventually get away from.

Feel free to post your thoughts on this subject in the comments.

Society and fathers: A stigma.

 I can’t be sure how we as fathers, decent hard working men, who would go all Liam Neeson on anyone who even threatens our families, have somehow been relegated in with the dregs of society. Allow me to expand.

In a 2013 article (1) from deseretnews.com, writer Sarah Peterson touches on some of the sore points of how dads are depicted in the media and as an extension, how we may be viewed in the real world.

I understand that most portrayals of dads on television are for my entertainment so I don’t necessarily feel the need to take up arms and shut everything down because I may not like what I see or hear .  The freedom to speak one’s minds is something none of us should do away with simply because we happen to have a differing opinion or do not like what we are presented with. After all, we are the ones with the remote control in our hands.

The point is welcome to free speech, a double edged sword that can be our friend one day and come to bite us the next.

What I do take issue with is when life imitates art. The cases where fathers are treated and stereotyped like fictional characters seen on television sitcoms or in a few bad reports we watched on the evening news and even read about in the papers.

Think about this,how many of us waited to hear the facts, or better yet, sought them out for ourselves when we heard rumours from the media that Brad Pitt had been aggressive in some vague form to one of his children on a flight? Be honest.

As a father of three, I’d like to see more dads be involved in the day to day going on of their families as a whole. I want to see strong father figures, but not on television as much as in real life. I’m not sure when we crossed that line where our entertainment started dictating our realities.

Let’s bring it back to reality and take a stand. Our kids will thank us for it later in life. Our families will be healthier and we will be happier because we would have achieved much more than everyone around us gave us credit for.

We are not victims here, we make our own choices which lead to either negative or positive results so we as dads need to make the right choices.

We can’t afford to let any external influences diminish our roles or importance in the lives of our families.  Our wives and children depend on us to do all we can.

This isn’t to say we’d get everything right or that we won’t mess up along the way, but not trying is not an option for any of us, no matter who we are.

It’s up to us to buck any trends that detract from the work we as fathers do for our families, no matter how prevalent these trends may be. Just because someone is speaking loud it doesn’t automatically mean that they are right.

So what can we do to give ourselves better footing in a world that appears to want to tell us what we’re like or put us into a category we don’t belong in?

It all begins with us.

1. We need to be committed, and I don’t mean to an insane asylum.

We need to give our families the time, patience and diligence we know they deserve if we are to see them succeed.  Letting mom do all of the heavy lifting should never even enter our minds.

2. Details are important.

Get more involved and better acquainted with your children’s issues. How are they coping at school both with their studies and socially.                                                    Set aside some time and get to now what your children are into, what do they like to do in their down time.

3. Make time for your wife.

A lot of women out there have become less than impressed with their husband’s lack of interest and involvement. Take a look at some studies and you’ll quickly see what I’m talking about.

We may have long and hard days at work, but so have they, and between the two of you, you now have kids to think about as well.

Get back to the basics. Make time for just you and her and remember why you two are you two. Listen to her and never stop learning about her.

If we want to see a positive change, we are going to need to become that positive change. It will take a long time before this type of effort will be seen and reflected in the media, but the results will be quicker in the home.

Although I never got married for the fame.

Until next time

 

(1). http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865574236/Dumbing-down-Dad-How-media-present-husbands-fathers-as-useless.html